The Calling

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work - Ogden Nash

'Hi there Mitzy,' a reader writes.'I have been working in the same job for the past 23 years now and, quite frankly, would really rather not work in it for the next 23. I would rather not work in it for the next 23 seconds, if truth be told. The job itself is not half bad and it is a job of which I am grateful to have but I cannot escape the feeling that this job is not my true calling. My problem is: how do I find my true calling? How does anyone? What if my true calling is to not work at all? What do you think, Mitzy? Is Well Button My Brow your true calling? If not, what is?
With kind wishes, T.'

Your kind wishes are accepted, T. Begin by asking yourself these five calling questions:

1. Am I good with my hands?
Do you enjoy such things as kneading, chopping or drizzling? If yes, perhaps you ought to think about a career in catering. Or have a word with your supervisor and consider turning your office desk into a clay pizza oven.

2. Am I good with my head?
Many people prefer to think about things rather than have to actually say things. If this is you, contemplate a job in the telepathy sector.

3. Am I good with people?
Similar to question number 2 is the question of whether you feel that you thrive in the company of others or bloom in the company of yourself. Which thriver/bloomer are you? If you are the former, what's your problem?

4. Am I good with animals?
How do you react when you see a little lamb gamboling in a field? Does your stomach rumble or does your spirit soar? If it is the latter and you really can't find another job and you answered Yes to numbers 1 and 2 and answered No to number 3, negotiate with your boss to see whether you can move your desk into a field full of lambs where there are no people, you do not have to say anything to anyone and you can play with your lambs/hands.

5. Am I good with working at all?
Working is not for everybody. Sadly, however, you will probably have to keep working in order to one day stop working. If after asking yourself all of the above questions and concluding that working does not work for you, remind yourself, while at work for the next 23 years, that at least you have finally found out what your true calling is not: working.

I hope this has helped you, T. It is gracious of you to ask me about my own calling but I feel that if I divulge to you my thoughts, I will be overstepping the tawdry line between clueless reader and sage, empathetic blogger and will undoubtedly be compromising the Well Fan My Brow ethical code. Due to the sackfuls of letters I get from clueless readers desiring my wise, sophic advice, however, I am considering whether a career in agonyaunting mayn't be my truest calling. Now pull yourself together and get back to work.