A Change Is Gonna Come

What have you done to yourself?

Norv, my incapable comrade in arms, has shaved his head. He looks cat-gone-awful. When I asked him why he felt such a strong desire to dig out my salad-spinner and shear off his lank, greasy, nitty locks, he mumbled for about two hours about the freedom of the oppressed, the freedom of a person's will in a totalitarian state, and then something about free pistachio ice-cream. Whatever makes the silly dolt happy!

I don't mind the fact that Norvy has decimated himself. I can cope with the change. I would rather just not look at the change because it makes me want to cat-sick.
There are some people, however, who do mind when their friends/loved ones (Norv is neither a friend nor that other thing) change their hairstyles. And one such person is Mr. Alfie McAlpine, who, it has emerged this week, is 'hoping to receive a written apology' from a Ms. Emerald Roulee because Ms. Roulee did not inform Mr. McAlpine that she was going to 'have a fringe put in.'
Alfie and Emerald, however, are not friends or lovers. Emerald runs a gate emporium in Withington, The Gate Escape - Alfie's 'local gate shop.'

"I have been going into Emmy's Gate for many years now," explains Alfie. "Whenever I need a new gate, be it for my front garden, my back garden or one to my side ginnel. We always have a pleasant chat, and, I can honestly say, that in all my years of popping into her Gate, she has never changed her hair once. Not once. She has certainly never had a fringe. And now, she just ups and sticks and changes herself completely. I was very, very shocked when I went in last Monday to see if she had a cat-gate for my cat-flap. How could she not even tell me? Not even discuss it with me? I have written to Emmy, explaining my dismay and have requested that she offers me an apology or I may have to take my gate needs elsewhere, perhaps to A Twist Of Gate in Didsbury. See how she likes that."

Mee-ow. Ms. Roulee was unavailable for comment concerning Mr. McAlpine's complaint but her business partner, Bip Montagne has stated that "Emmerald is disappointed that Mr. McAlpine does not like her change of hairstyle but she would like to offer a complimentary mouth-gate for his immutable mouth-glands."

Mr. McAlfie, how do you like that?